The other night, my preschooler wanted to read one of my favorite of his children’s books: The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld. The book follows Taylor after a structure they build is unceremoniously knocked down. They are devastated.1 One by one, different animals stop by to offer advice or commentary that Taylor finds unhelpful. Finally, a rabbit appears, who is able to listen to Taylor as they process this loss until Taylor finally decides to try to build something new.
It’s a lovely book with whimsical illustrations and an underlying message of emotional validation and empathy that my therapist heart can’t help but adore. It’s also special to me because former students of mine, students whom I tried to support as they dealt with racism and financial hardship, went out of their way to gift it to my family after I left my former job. I’m always thrilled when my son wants to read it.
This particular night, he wanted to focus on the page with the snake (see above). The snake suggests that Taylor go and destroy someone else’s project.
My son thought for a minute. “That’s not nice,” he said. “If they go knock down someone else’s, then that person would be sad, too.” And my heart melted all over again.
This is my first presidential election as a parent and it’s terrifying. I know that regardless of what the next few days bring, things will continue to be difficult. I will continue to live in a world filled with wars where children are intentionally being killed and an impending climate crisis. I will continue to live in a country where my humanity as a woman is treated trivially, as if I’m a silly “single issue voter” because I’m sick of women and babies suffering and dying needlessly. I want my children to inherit a world that’s better than the one I grew up in, and some days it’s hard not to feel like that’s a fantasy that will never materialize.
The idea that hurting others to heal your own pain is attractive. As are other alternatives: Shouting, hiding, wanting to remember exactly how things were as if that would manifest a different future all by itself. However, I thought of The Rabbit Listened as I read a recent op-ed by Jamelle Bouie where he argues for the importance of continuing to be an active participant in democracy. He writes:
The truth, at this point, is that the only real guardrails in the American system are the voters — the people, acting in their own defense.
For too long, too many of us have acted as if democracy can run on autopilot — as if self-government will, well, take care of itself. But it won’t. The reality is that the future of the American Republic is up to us.
We will decide if we live in a country where we govern ourselves. We will decide whether we hand this nation over to a man, and a movement, that rejects the notion of an inclusive American freedom and a broad, egalitarian American liberty. We will decide whether we will continue to seek — and expand upon — the promise of American democracy, as flawed and fraught as the reality has been. ]
The piece ends:
My hope, in short, is that enough Americans understand that there is no amount of harm you can inflict on others that will save you, give you strength, make you whole or keep you safe.
I know this is all incredibly complicated. But, my God, if my preschooler can understand that hurting others is not the answer, maybe others can, too.
Regardless, I will continue to fight for my community and my loved ones, because I know that the only thing that will save us is each other.
Stuff I’ve Been Reading
When pregnancy turned to miscarriage, woman says Georgia’s abortion laws delayed the care she needed (USA Today). A friend of a friend of mine almost died from a miscarriage in Georgia. I know these stories are hard to read, but every person (or person’s family) who comes forward are brave and deserve us to bear witness.
Relatedly, I just finished Abortion: Our Bodies, Their Lies, and the Truths We Use To Win by Jessica Valenti and found it essential. It also spoke directly to my experiences growing up in rural Ohio and the anti-abortion rhetoric I lived in for over eighteen years.
The Democratic Idea (WTF with Marc Maron). I’ve been a fan of the comedian Marc Maron for awhile and have appreciated the way he’s learned and grown over time. He does not mince words about the role comedians play in promoting fascism, which is a breath of fresh air compared to the way other (white, male) comedians talk about “free speech” these days.
How to Think About Politics Without Wanting to Kill Yourself (How Things Work): Hamilton Nolan argues for why we should not idolize politicians and should still vote for Harris even if you disagree with some of her stances. I appreciate the definition between enemies and cowards when we think about our elected officials:
For the most part, it is wrong to think of elections as contests between “good” and “bad” candidates. With few exceptions, it is more accurate to divide most politicians into two broad categories: Enemies, and Cowards. The enemies are those politicians who are legitimately opposed to your policy goals. The cowards are those politicians who may agree with your policy goals, but will sell you out if they must in order to protect their own interests. Embrace the idea that we are simply pushing to elect the cowards, rather than the enemies. Why? Because the true work of political action is not to identify idealized superheroes to run for office. It is, instead, to create the conditions in the world that make it safe for the cowards to vote the right way.
The Parenting Panic (Boston Review): My favorite thing I’ve read thus far on the discourse around the “fertility crisis,” something I’ve found to be overblown and suspiciously timed to coincide with the slashing of reproductive rights. It’s dense and long but very much worth your time.
There is a MA-specific ballot initiative (Question 5) on gradually eliminating the tipped minimum wage for waitstaff, bartenders, and other tipped workers and allowing tips to be pooled among non-management staff. The majority of tipped workers are women and are more likely to be single parents, with women of color more likely to be parents of children under the age of 18 compared to others. In states that have similar initiatives, poverty rates (especially for parents) decrease, the restaurant industry grows, and sexual harassments rates of tipped workers decreases. For these and other reasons, I voted yes on this initiative. For more information, check out this summary from the Tufts University Center for State Policy Analysis and this info sheet from One Fair Wage.
Stuff I’ve Been Watching
Want some fun distractions? I’ve been enjoying the last seasons of What We Do In the Shadows (Hulu) and Somebody, Somewhere (Max). My husband and I recently finished Slow Horses (Apple+) and have been singing its praises to anyone who will listen - I’m a sucker for “competence porn” (people doing their jobs well) and spy shit that shows that being a spy would suck, actually (see also: The Americans). I also went to a movie theater alone to watch The Substance, which was a ton of fun (if you’re the type of person who thinks body horror is fun and subtlety in films is sometimes overrated!)
Taylor is never gendered in the book, which I also appreciate.